I came to love this video without knowing much about Tokyo at that time. I had not been to Tokyo then, but somehow the pretty lights fascinated me.
***
Fast forward to 2015, and another birthday in my thirties.
The aging seems to dictate my pace--my worst nightmare is exploring Shibuya in Tokyo, though it is probably the area with the most lights, even until late night. There's just too many people, restless wanderers, noisemakers, and untamable chaos.
The thing that once captured me has become a burden, simply because there's too much hustle-and-bustle around me, too many voices screaming and conforming to the taxing patterns of this world.
But because of a need to buy a birthday gift for a friend, I come to Shibuya. I visit the pricier side of the area that "exhausts" me, smelling the relaxing scent in spacious shops such as Beams, Ships, United Arrows, etc.
There I find the quaint coffee shops like Roasted Coffee Laboratory, Jinnan Cafe, Gorilla Cafe, Analog Cafe, Tea Mousse Hammock, Dolci Cafe Silkream, among others. There are also interesting tapas restaurants, pizza parlors, and places that scream "good food here," minus the maddening crowd.
Gift-buying later prompts me to window-shopping at one of my favorite shops, Jumble Store.
This trip of rediscovering Shibuya prompts me a visit to the same area, the next day, to grab an ensemble for my own birthday. (OOTD post soon!) Along the road, I see everyone enthralled by the virtual reality screen, with the Ghostbusters soundtrack playing, with the screen showing ghosts in the area.
And then, I enjoy a quiet date with myself, deciphering me.
And I tell myself, "I actually like you, Shibuya."
***
My favorite lines from the song:
We've been sat here beneath these flickering neons for hours
while I am cracking their code, you are deciphering me
for i am a mystery, I am a locked room in a tall tower
while I am cracking their code, you are deciphering me
for i am a mystery, I am a locked room in a tall tower
Oh can you feel the gravity falling, calling us home?
Oh, did you see the stars colliding, shining just to show we belong?
We belong.
Oh, did you see the stars colliding, shining just to show we belong?
We belong.
***
Reflections:
Walking on the same streets twice, passing by the same things on two consecutive days, maybe redundant for some. But for one like me who is not easily impressed by flashy flaunting and attention-grabbing, I like it when things and people slowly grow on me. My second visit in two days, allowed me to confirm what captured me the first time.
My love for certain things, my passion and my calling, operate the same way, I realize. Whenever I feel drowned by different voices--a voice that tells me to find something "more real for now" (a.k.a. practicality), and a voice that says, "you cannot do it," and a voice that says, "you got disappointed once... not again," I simply dismiss them. I avoid the noise. I don't go into battle with the maddening crowd. I stay away from these moments where I have to go face-to-face with chaos. Whenever I do this, I forget what I really love. I trade convenience for that pulsing heartbeat. Each time I choose my comfort zone outside of a noisy battle zone, I stay safe, but I do not feel alive.
While isolation works and could be good for a time of recharging and strengthening resolve, I came to realize, that we can find peace even in chaos. We can search for solitude amidst a war zone, when we choose to be still, and commune with our ultimate source of peace.
Some find it in yoga, some find it in the mountains, some find it under the deep blue sea. I've tried them all, and they do work for a time, but in the absence of capacity to do these things, what do we do?
The problem with doing these things to keep our minds off other things, is that it's the same thing. Doing these things still needs our attention. It is still a form of getting ourselves pre-occupied and engaged. These things simply become an alternative way to keep ourselves "busy with something to do."
Peace is not the absence of noise at the cost of abandoning reality. Peace is finding rest amid a noisy reality. And, I only find this each time I pray.
How do I pray? While I do believe in quiet time and corporate prayer, my own prayers don't involve rituals and formality.
In Shibuya, I prayed as I was walking.
I prayed for these beat-boxing teens who were drawing the crowd, under the tree outside L'Occitane. I prayed that they would find their identity and confidence in Christ, and turn the world upside down using their gift of music, inspiring others to live passionately.
I prayed for these touring families, making memories with their young children. I prayed that when these kids grow up, they will not forget that their parents had made every effort to let them experience the world.
I prayed for these young ladies in high heels. I prayed that they would one day be in high positions in this nation, influencing people toward change that matters.
Finally, I prayed as I was eating my scrumptious dinner alone.
A pumpkin salad with blue cheese, carbonara with steak bacon, and a glass of house sangria at Sizzle Gazzle, in Shibuya Hikarie (a place with toilets I absolutely love!).
What did I pray for? I thanked God for another upcoming birthday in Tokyo. I thanked and talked to Him quietly as I realized, He was deciphering me.
